What is After-School Restraint Collapse?

This week’s topic:

For most parents they can’t wait for September to come around and for their child to go back to school. They get a few hours to themselves or they don’t have to pay someone to mind their children while they are at work. Their child learns new things, gets to play, gets to see their friends and has routine back to their day. What is not to love? For some parents they dread the start of school. For them it means a child who comes home from school angry, upset, irritable and aggressive. This isn’t something that happens for a day or two this is something that happens for weeks or months and in some cases all year.

Our experience with this:

I first noticed this behaviour with Emma at the age of two and a half when she started in preschool for the first time. Emma was not yet diagnosed with Autism so I didn’t realise the two may be linked. Emma would come home from preschool, angry, irritable and mad at me. I couldn’t understand why she was acting this way. I had talked to her Early Years Educator and she said that Emma had a great week and really seemed to love it. She was interacting with the other children in the class which she never did, she was eating all her lunch and learning new things. I thought it must be something I was doing as everything in school was going great. Every day for weeks she would come home and she would be emotional overwhelmed. She would have meltdown after meltdown all day long. These meltdowns would be caused by a bit of dirt on her top or a toy not being in the exact place she left it. I couldn’t understand what was causing this behaviour. I tried putting her to bed early, I cut out her nap, I changed her diet but nothing seemed to help.

Why is my child acting this way?

One day when I was in tears from exhaustion, I got my answer to why she was acting this way. Emma was suffering from After-School Restraint Collapse. After-School Restraint Collapse is when a child has behaved well, done everything they were asked to do and not get upset in school all day. They are basically trying to be the perfect student in school all day and the second they see they feel safe again they let it all out. The pent up frustration, the anger, the over stimulation all of it comes out when they feel safe. This was a great thing but I was still left dealing with a child who was holding in their feelings all day at school. This is the reason they are so angry and upset and why they lash out once they are home. They are also dealing with being hungry, tired and sad because you were not there with them in school.

How to manage it?

There were a few things that worked for Emma at that time such as playing in her room, watching her favourite TV show, water play and being patient with her. Letting her know I was there for her if she needed to let out all her emotions and that I still loved her after she had. She didn’t understand why she was acting this way she only understood that she was upset about something. That first year it lasted for two months. The next year I knew what it was when she started coming home from school upset. By then Emma had been diagnosed with Autism and I had learnt some great ways of keeping her regulated. We had made a Sensory area for Emma in our house where she could come home and relax. In the sensory room we had soft blankets, changing lights, cushions, beanbag and a fish tank. She would go in there after school for as long as she wanted and she would come out calm after fifteen minutes.

I would always feed Emma the second she got in the door. It has been a very active day and she may have burned off all the food she ate at lunch. One thing I read and loved the idea of was, sending “yourself” into school with them. I know physically I can’t stay in the classroom with her but I can send a letter in her lunchbox saying “I love you” or “Have a great day” and ask the teacher to read it to her. Weighted blanket can be great as it gives your child some deep pressure. Deep pressure is a great way for children with Autism to regulate them self. Emma has always brought in a toy to school with her as a comfort. She got a Pikachu teddy last year and ever since then that is the one Pikachu she brings to school with her every day. On the days she brings a different toy she will come home irritable and looking for her Pikachu. For some reason that teddy seems to be her security in school and makes her feel safe.

It can still happen:

Even with all these tools it still happens at the start of school each September. It doesn’t last as long now maybe only a few days before she settles back into the routine. Every now and again she will have a really busy day in school and come home and have to let all her emotions out. Now though I know what I am dealing with. I know the things that will calm her down and I know sometimes she just needs to get angry or sad to let it out. Once she is not hurting herself or anyone else I don’t mind.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I hope it has helped you in some way.

Martina xx